The Thanksgiving List 2019

It seems only appropriate that this time of year be a time to untangle from the stuff that we think is important and remember the areas of our life that we are indeed most thankful. This years list (in no particular order)….

10. Music and Books. It is rhythm of life and connection to the past.

9. Health. It ain’t perfect but I’m here.

8. Family. Gosh I love my family, they mean everything.

7. Coaching Baseball. Call it a hobby or craziness, I love it.

6. Friends. They get less as the years go on, but they become stronger.

5. Shelter and Food. In these times, the basics need not be forgotten.

4. Living in California. It’s the best and it’s not close.

3. Oceans/Beaches. My place!

2. Silence. Stillness and calm essential

1. The Next Day. Don’t sleep on how thankful we should be each day we wake up!

I hope you have your own list and start the holiday season with the gratitude we all should have…a lot to be thankful for now and always!

Birthday Celebrations

As I tick off another birthday, I found myself wondering what the origin of the birthday cake was (more on that later) and the three really important parts of every birthday. A quick summary of what I found researching the birthday cake:

*It seemed to date back to Ancient Greece. Most historians recognize the Egyptians and Romans for the early adoption of the birthday cake…and the real biggie was the 50th birthday. It was later made popular in Germany in the 19th Century. Birthday cakes were the domain of the wealthy until the industrial revolution made ingredients and the process cheap enough for the masses to begin celebrating one’s birthday.

*The candles were the result of blowing out the fire and the resulting smoke was said to carry the wishes of the birthday person up to the gods. Most credit Artemis, the goddess of the moon, as the creator (or reason) of the candle. The tradition of adding a candle for each year was said to originate in Germany and they added the extra candle as “the light of life” for the hope of making it another year.

While once only for the wealthy, birthdays have become major events. for everyone. The parties have become extravagant, the presents abundant, and the celebrations lengthy. But here are the three things I have found to be really important…do these three things and the birthday person (and giver) will feel really good:

  1. Celebrate It. Enough with the “oh, don’t worry about it” or “I don’t celebrate”…that is crap. Getting through the year is tough and if it was good enough for kings, queens, and the wealthy to celebrate, it sure should be something we spend a day doing. Each of us is a king or queen so we should take a day and remember we are special.

  2. Birthday Cake: get a dang cake. If someone doesn’t get you a cake, you better check who you have as friends and family. As referenced above, this is the stuff of legend and everyone deserves a sweet. Don’t forget the candles- light that sucker up. Blow the candles out and pay attention to the smoke as those are truly your wishes headed to the heavens. And light that extra candle up…we are not promised tomorrow and should do everything we can to instill hope of another year.

  3. Write A Card: Forget all the material things and you certainly don’t have to keep Hallmark in business…but get the heck off facebook, instagram, and all the social media outlets…write out a card and tell the birthday person how you feel about them. The world is way to fast, way too much instant gratification, and filled with fake sentiments. Take a few minutes and let someone know they are special.

Golf Course Time Machine

Recently had the opportunity to visit one of my childhood memories. One of the major influences on my life was my grandmother. In spending an enormous amount of time together, she taught me about so much in life, but one of our cherished activities was golf. We had our course- a small nine hole course that in the eyes of a youngster seemed as monstrous as the modern day Pebble Beach. Our routine was the same- check in at the modest clubhouse, a few quick putts on the putting green to determine early bragging rights, a walk down the asphalt entryway to the first tee and none holes of golf exchanging fun-loving barbs. It always ended the same as well- a 7-up and snickers bar on a small table in the clubhouse while adding up the real scores and phantom “do-over” shots that were always hotly debated.

I happened to be driving the neighborhood the other day, and while I knew the course closed almost four years ago, I drove by to see if there was anything left. As if given one last chance to say good-bye, there stood the course in it’s entirety…although brown weeds were now the fairways and greens and the clubhouse had been left to wither away. The open gates to the drive-way were a clear sign that I was being given one last chance to walk the grounds. A few things struck me as I toured the premises by myself:

**I didn’t spend near enough time enjoying this in the moment. Life is so fast and we constantly are reminding ourselves to enjoy, but I honestly don’t think any of us- especially me- do enough to stop and enjoy what we are doing…and who we are doing it with.

**I’m reminded that “Father Time is undefeated”. The romantic side of life would leave everything the same and fresh in our memories…it just doesn’t work that way. A recent agreement has houses to be built and soon the only left of this will be what’s in my head…and that erodes day-day as well.

**Some things are never forgotten. Amazingly, the most emotional moment was walking down the hill to the first tee. I couldn’t remember a certain shot or specific day, but I can remember walking down that stretch of uneven asphalt time and time again…it was though I had done it yesterday. The feel, the smell, the decent angle…everything felt real and the same…

…and I guess lastly, I just miss my grandmother!

Literally Smelling the Roses...

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I recently began the habit of smelling the wonderful roses blooming next to our front door each time I leave or walk into the house.  While such a simple act, the meaning is transcendent for me and I would recommend everyone have such a trigger:

(1)  Our life is about experience and I have found these experiences are all about our senses.  How often do you look at all the colors around you?  How often do you concentrate on the smells that make up our days?  This quick sniff of these beautiful roses awakens me to being alive and reminds me of the incredible beauty around us at every moment...and we often miss all of it!

(2)  As I have discovered through the reading of Thich Nhat Hanh's, The Art of Living, we need to focus on the present moment...forget the past and the future, but focus on each and every present moment...slow it down!  This small act every time I leave/arrive at the house reminds me to stay in the moment.  Forget all the stuff in the past.  Forget the problems.  Appreciate the beauty of right now.  It has become my trigger.  Do you have one to center you?

(3)  Also from Hahn, looking into this rose reminds me that it is made up of everything in this universe...and I am too.  The earth, sun, water, wind, soil...and God can all be seen at the center of this rose.  A fantastic reminder of everything that goes into this beautiful rose and those fantastic people/life around me.  Try it...it is an awesome experience I would not have understood a few years ago.

Enjoy the day!  Peace.

Are We Asking Ourselves The Correct Question?

We spend most of our time focusing on the aspects of our lives that need improvement- the next diet, the next workout, how do I get more organized...we are all searching to make the bad better. The question we should constantly be asking ourselves is, "What am I good at?"  Not only does this seem to allow for a much healthier approach to life, but it defies logic in that we are actually more productive because we are working our strengths.  This focus on our skill set allows for much better impact and performance, instead of trying to build new skills and the habits that are so hard to stick with along the way.  

If you are courageous enough to ask yourself this question, it is important to make sure you are not answering with values, but with raw, actual skills that you have that differentiate you from others!  I am on a mission to find out what I am good at after 47 years!  Good luck and have a great day!

All Giving Isn't Equal...

JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE VOLUNTEERING DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN BE UNORGANIZED, UNETHICAL AND GRUMPY!  Too many now believe because they "volunteered"  it absolves them of these critical elements defining volunteer...you don't get a pass because you stepped up.  If you really aren't "in" then get out of the way so someone can make a difference...otherwise we've taken a step back, not forward!

MDM

Forget the Low Hanging Fruit

As defined in Wikipedia, "Pruning is a horticultural and silvicultural practice involving the selective removal of certain parts of a plant, such as branches, buds or roots.  Reasons to prune plants include deadwood removal, shaping (by controlling or directing growth), improving or maintaining health, reducing risk from falling branches, preparing nursery specimens for transplanting and both harvesting and increasing the yield or quality of flowers or fruits."

The air we breath is the result of plants remaining healthy enough to produce photosynthesis and the air we rely on each second of the day.  These plants stay "healthy" through pruning...more simply put, getting rid of the bad things in their life.  Gone are the branches that are no longer productive.  Removed are the branches heading in the wrong direction and not shaped towards the important ingredients such as sun and water.  Chopped are the relationships that no longer allow the plant to continue to grow and become better.  This is not subjective, but factual...a plant will not grow, be productive, and flourish without these elements eliminated on a regular basis.  The difference between us and plants is that we are solely responsible for this necessary pruning!

It is one of the hardest tasks we have- letting go and saying good-bye.  However, there is no growth, health, or happiness unless we take a sharp knife to the things in our life that are no longer healthy and productive.  The internet and social media would suggest we need "more", I recommend we focus on less...it is time to cut, cut, cut.  In every aspect of my life I have spent this year getting rid of unwanted things and relationships.  Taking my own advise, I realized that if things aren't moving forward, they are moving backward...and the crap that is moving backward or stuck in the middle just needs to go because it is preventing me from enjoying the people and things that are moving forward.  My epiphany has been that by not doing this before my health has been compromised, my growth capped, and my overall happiness minimized.  I spent too much time focusing on the people and things that just didn't matter.  I began to understand that while saying good-bye to people was hard, it was also natural.  Just as plants grow in a specific direction, so do we.  Removing those that aren't growing with us and keeping us away from falling branches is not only necessary, but essential.

While I have cut aggressively, I realize that I have not gone far enough...it will take more pruning.  That is ok and I can celebrate in the results to-date.  I can now see what had to go and can see through my own lens what needs to go next.  I recently took my LinkedIn contacts from 1350 contacts to 181 relationships.  The act of going through and firing these contacts was empowering.  I also realized that this number probably needs to get to 100, but I have some "watering and sunshine" to do before realizing who makes the next cut...I need to reach out to all of these folks and turn them into active relationships.  I could have never have done this with all the dead branches I started with because the sheer number of "dead branches" would have constrained any attempt at advancement.  I am excited about the evolution and happiness I can get out of the parts of this plant that really mean the most.  

As we get closer to New Year's resolutions, there is no better time to start looking at every aspect of life and doing some much needed pruning!  Who are friends, I mean really friends?  What clothes do you actually wear?  Where do you spend your time?  There are hundreds of questions that I will be asking as I continue to prune.  

MDM

We All Have Some Magic

There is no better teacher than children.  What they see through their eyes and the way in which they respond should be a guide for how all of us adults live.  Somewhere along the way we have taken ourselves too seriously and arrived off-course!  

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My youngest, Jack, has taught me this holiday season that the two most powerful tools we have are Belief and Hope.  Our "elf" Chippy has made his annual appearance and taken to different crazy feats and locations within our home.  For those unaware of "elf on the shelf" this is a magical elf that has a direct line to Santa.  One look at my son's eyes each day reveals a passion...the belief in all good things in the name of Santa and the hope that he will do right by this elf and attain some elevated position with the big man himself.  He honestly does not ask why or even "what's in it for me"...his days are pure magic.

No donut, Curry jersey, nerf gun, iPad, or (anything) yields the kind of power that this elf has using both belief and hope.  While I love the opportunity it presents to get teeth brushed, beds made, and our house operating "normally", what I love the most is that it is just beautiful to witness.  The smile, laughter, joy and passion in your children is unrivaled by any other emotion...I wish I had the tanks from Monsters Inc. to save it all up so that I could use it sparingly over the course of my days...it is the best.  

Most in our society lust for power and the superficial influence of money, title, and things...these pale in comparison to the energy found in belief and hope. Shouldn't we be harnessing this the same way we capture the sun, wind, rain...it is that essential and powerful.  My belief is that the world would be such a better place...and my hope...well, I hope everyone that reads this will try these two on for size this holiday season and upcoming year.  Who do you believe in?  What do you believe in?  What gives you hope each day?  These are cheap, simple difference-makers that should be under every tree this year!

MDM

The ROCK to Success

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I recently had the opportunity to cross an item off the "bucket-list" with an all day battle hiking Half Dome in Yosemite.  Over 5200 ft of elevation change, upwards of 8200 ft above sea level, and terrain that is beautiful but punishing.  What started out as a "quest" turned into much more of an epiphany.  For the first time I took on an adventure that kicked my ass and had no problem dishing out pain, anxiety, and doubt with each step.  It is easy to be seduced by the beauty of this hike and drive to complete this task...both mask the sheer effort, danger, and toll this requires...one can not fathom what they are "in" for here.

The permit was acquired 48 hours before the hike (we were one of the lucky ones in the daily lottery).  We had nothing prepared and left the evening before arriving at an hotel a little past midnight.  Up at 4am, we drove the final two hours and had packs on in unexpected 38 degree weather by 6am...ready for the next 10-12 hours.  From granite stairs (thank you Mist Trail), to steep inclines, to traversing trails, to ridiculous Sub Dome blocks, to managing water and food, to total exhaustion, to managing the self-talk constantly jabbering in my head...I have not been challenged physically or mentally like this before (the closest was the Boston Marathon). I learned some invaluable lessons along the way:

Planning Is Not Optional:  I did no planning for this trip and am lucky with the outcome.  I did not check the weather (38 degrees).  I did not have proper equipment (I bought the water-pack the day before).  I had no hotel (slept at some ladies house).  I did not prior training.  I had done no planning on the route (we took the wrong one).  The most I did for this endeavor was apply for the permit.  I should not have been on that trail.  In the past, I would chalk it up to being young, free and this lack of preparation was part of the attraction. Youth masks the failure of accounting for the details, but it is a critical element that I will never again overlook.

Goals Are Not Constant, Know Your Limits:  I have been successful by setting a goal and doing whatever it take to accomplish it.  This approach to goal setting is out-dated, ineffective, and detrimental.  I did not go all the way to the top of Half Dome as was the stated goal (my past way of thinking would have chalked this up as a failure).  Based on my physical condition and a set "turn-around time", my very long day became a set of smaller goals.  The overall goal "connected" all of these smaller goals for an overall picture, but the focus and challenge shifted to the individual smaller goal I was working against.  There was an assessment done at the completion of each of these smaller objectives...all the available information was tapped to reach the next decision and direction.  While it was mostly out of desperation as I went through it, there is a beauty now to understanding what was going on in my head that day.  I had learned a little about this in the book, Push, which I read right before this hike...one of the take-aways was that failure to achieve the stated goal is prevalent and true success is being able to take-away the learnings from that experience and apply them the next time out.  I experienced exactly that and this became a huge win for me.

Adaptability, Flexibility & Routine:  When I think about attributes for success I immediately think of intelligence, strength, endurance, etc.  Those are important qualities, but I learned that flexibility and adaptability are probably the most important ingredients to success.  I was forced to adapt and be flexible- from the overall goals to which trail would be best to whether my body needed trail mix, beef jerky or a banana (and believe me, there is a big difference in each of these solutions).  Nothing went as expected over this very long day...the success and results were not a function of me being smart or strong, but my ability to adapt on the move and be flexible in how I approached the goal.

No Regrets:  I can see myself in my earlier days being completely depressed and distraught about not going all the way to the top.  Maybe it is my mind playing tricks on me, but I have had not one regret about my day and hold it as one of the greatest accomplishments I have endured.  I found that this was bigger than a stated goal.  This was certainly about will, drive, and strength...but in the bigger picture it was about who I am, how I think and what I learn...some of this I have shared, some I have not...but all of it was a wild success.

MDM

THANKSgiving

The routine has become predictable.  Put in the turkey, watch some football, eat until you can't eat anymore and let everyone know what you are "thankful" for this year...in fact, even the things that one is thankful for has become pretty vanilla.  On a day that is designed to "give thanks" how many of us actually say "thank you" anymore?  The very basics have become a hassle and saying "thank-you" is a lost art- yet another example of our connection with others systematically eroding.  Replace the warm oven-backed feeling in your own gut of sharing "what I am thankful for this year" with the ability to make others feel special with a quick thank-you.  Be careful, if you do this often, you might just be thankful for all the great people in your life next Thanksgiving.

A couple of overlooked "thankful" items:

Sight: the ability to look at all the beauty of my family, the mountains, the ocean, etc...we take this one for granted every single day and it such a part of life.  The "picture is worth a thousand words" applies here...but multiplied by the hundreds and thousands of pictures we see each day.

Hearing: I have always believed that there is a rhythm to life and the conductor of this has always been music.  The opportunity to listen to music has certainly shaped my life, moods, and happiness.  But even if you are not a music fan there is something marvelous about the sounds of the ocean, birds chirping, etc...close your eyes, take in the sounds, and appreciate this incredible gift.

Only 31 days of shopping left!!!

Starting Over

Today marked my return to the work force.  Many years of hard work, learning, and challenges ended in an unceremonious dismissal from something I was good at and materially very successful 15 months ago.  I have spent the time since trying to answer "why?", find the next logical step, and some major soul searching.  I was able to find some answers and I think it puts me in a great place to take a major step in my life.  It is true what they say- you learn the most from your challenges in life and here are a few observations I had along the way:

Enjoy the Journey.  Many of us- especially me- have been so concerned about the outcomes, the titles, the success...the eye has always been on the prize.  I have found that there is nothing wrong with having goals, but the focus should be on the process and enjoying each step along the way.  You never get it back, it will never be the same, and when you are finished it will feel very hollow because you are already thinking about the next goal.  

It Happens For a Reason.  I was caught in a storm and I never knew it while I was in it.  It was literally raining all over me and I thought I wasn't getting wet.  If I were able to slow down I would have seen that I was becoming something that I swore I wouldn't- a life defined by career and surrounded by bad people (with bad intentions) .  The fateful call in August was a savior. It sure did not seem positive at the time and it has been a challenging year, but I now realize I needed to dry off and find the sunshine.

Dependency is crippling.  .  My life, economics, happiness, and family became dependent and victims of corporate games and the blame lies with me.  No one should rely on a job, a company, or anyone else for happiness.  Balance may be elusive, but always being able to take the pulse of your flow is a necessity.  If you don't define it, someone else will.

Some Friends have an "end" in them.  There will certainly be more in a future post about "pruning" but this was one of the most challenging lessons.  My core was built around family and friends and the reality is that not everyone shares the passion for these most important relationships.  It is critical to not fall asleep on this one and understand that many will drive their goals and dreams through very superficial and fictitious relationships.  More than once I felt like a "pawn" on a great game being played.

I embark with wisdom.  I am better for having gone though it all.  I feel like I am back at the start of my career- having to prove myself all over again and create success.  Success for me will look very different this time around.

MDM

The Journey Begins

I am not short on opinions.  I certainly spend a lot of time thinking about "things" and challenging the outcomes.  I am most definitely passionate about my conclusions.

Since the days of my early youth,  I have been encouraged to be a "free-thinker"...whatever that means.  Like water constantly dripping on a stone and shaping it over time drop by drop, the core of having my own thoughts, opinions, and arguments has defined my path thus far in life.  The blend of non-traditional thinking with passion has certainly had its benefits, but also it's heart-ache and challenges.  This blog is an opportunity to share what is on my mind and what I have learned by thinking through it.  It might be right, it might be wrong, it may or may not make any sense...but they are my original thoughts and ideas that I think are important.  You'll most definitely find me all over the place- life, the world, sports, kids, etc...but I hope to keep it interesting and filter some of the learning I have had along the way.  Thanks for joining me on the journey.

MDM